I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
