So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
