I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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