the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
