we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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