His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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