Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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