Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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