Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
