you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
