I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
