If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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