You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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