btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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