she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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