The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
