why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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