Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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