i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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