Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
