hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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