His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
