But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
