No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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