1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
