i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
