my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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