you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
