I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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