end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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