Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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