A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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