you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
