you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
