i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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