Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
