College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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