I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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