Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How external is "for external use only"?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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