I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
