For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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