Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
