i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
