I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
