bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
