I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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