She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dignity is for republicans.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
