I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
