He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My ass is underappreciated
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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