This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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