in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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