He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
