If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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