I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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