New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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