he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
