every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
