Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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